In my Senior year of high school, I was voted Teacher’s Pet, Most Friendly, Prom Queen, and often teasingly called ‘Miss Goody Two-Shoes’. But 2 1/2 years prior, at a different school in another district, I skipped school to avoid doing a speech in Honors English and ultimately failed the first semester of the class.
A few years earlier, in the middle of my seventh-grade year, mom and I moved. I went from a medium sized school district to a very large one, and I wasn’t happy about it.
By the time I entered tenth grade I’d grown out of my awkward, chunky stage. But I was still feeling like a minnow lost in an ocean of prettier fish and terrifying sharks.
I’d made a few friends though and was doing well in my classes. Until Mrs. L. assigned a written paper and speech presentation combo project. I don’t recall the exact assignment but I know I completed the written part.
And I know I spent more time conspiring on how to get out of the speech than I did on writing the paper. Petrified of getting up in front of my peers, I decided to skip school instead.
My 10th Grade Crime
We lived at an apartment complex at the time, and I needed to leave the apartment for the school bus before my mom would leave for work. So I’d leave our building and hide in an adjacent building hallway until she went to work, and then I’d return home.
I did this for a few days thinking I’d claim illness and be excused from giving my speech. I returned to school in time for semester finals. Forging a note from my mom and turning it into the school office, I believed all was good.
But upon my return to English class, my teacher informed me I wouldn’t get full credit for the paper unless I presented the speech. I chose not to speak. I didn’t realize it at the time but that meant I’d fail the term.
Why exactly I thought standing in front of a class of other teenagers was so terrifying I’m not sure, but clearly, I was very insecure and short-sighted. And I gave up on myself.
We aren’t always as smart as we think we are.
Mom ultimately learned of my shenanigans when my report card came out. We were horrified at my failing grade. It was a wake-up call for us both. Many conversations ensued, and thankfully mom listened to my requests begging and moved us again.
One Step Back, Three Steps Forward
We landed in a small community – one where everyone knows each other. Initially, due to my failed grade – I was placed in a remedial English class during the last part of tenth grade at the new school – another humbling experience. Fortunately, I passed with flying colors and got back on the right track.
And then I thrived.
In my Junior and Senior year, I played volleyball and softball, was elected to student council and often stood (and spoke) in front of my peers and teachers. I’m positive I wasn’t always good at it, but at least I could finally do it. I’d gone from hating school and skipping classes to loving school and jumping into extra-curricular activities.
Life is often just like that and we can often be far too short-sighted.
We are afraid of something and thus typically procrastinate or completely avoid it. Then we often reach a point of detriment and are forced to take a step back. We get our shit together regroup and eventually we move forward again. Find our sweet spot and blossom.
You probably don’t need to think too hard far for an example.
Maybe it’s health or fitness related. Perhaps it’s a financial or relationship matter. Or an educational or career-related issue. Maybe it’s even all those mentioned above. (Raises hand.)
A Skipped Class, But Not A Failed Life
Okay, you all know I wouldn’t have died if I’d given that speech in English class (I’m still not sure). And we’ll never know how different my life would be if my mom didn’t move us. But I do know I’m grateful for receiving that failing grade.
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like to fail. But if and when I do, I now know I’ll also (eventually) move past it.
We learn some failures will be quick and the recovery equally swift. Other failures will feel prolonged with a long agonizing road back. But, unless we quit, we can get beyond them.
It’s hard for us to see it when we’re in it, but sometimes we fail because we do indeed quit. We give up too early because we fail to look at the big picture or think long-term.
We might realize we really don’t know it all and be unwilling to learn more. We might get too caught up in what others think and get stuck. Or we might just stop believing in ourselves.
But failures are just a part of life. They aren’t who we are. We can quit, but not be a quitter.
Equally, just because we’ve accomplished successes, we shouldn’t take them for granted and expect to always succeed.
What Do You Need to Learn or Do?
Before giving up on an assignment, goal or dream consider why you are even contemplating quitting. Be honest with yourself no one’s judging – and if they are so what. If you want to quit, quit.
But if you really want to create a change in your life dig deeper and ‘quit skipping school’.
Progress and success take showing up and putting in work.
You might stumble a bit or even fail at first.
And you may need to take a step backward to move forward.
But then perhaps you’ll give yourself a better opportunity to thrive.
Are you ‘skipping class’ or ‘kicking a$$’ on your goals and projects right now? Let us know in the comments!
Financial Pilgrimage says
And look at you now writing a blog and in other publications. 🙂
I think 10th grade was an important transitional year for many of us. I remember coming out of my shell that year as well.
Thanks for sharing your story. Learning how to fail and deal with fear is so important.
Amy says
If we only knew then what we know now. Ah well. Thanks, FP!
Accidental FIRE says
“Miss Goody Two-Shoes” No one ever uses that anymore. We’re a product of the same era!
I’m mostly focused on my graphic design side hustle and I’m putting in the work, a lot. It’s frustrating. I’m making some money, barely enough to pay my monthly internet bill. But my income isn’t rising much. It’s a veeery slow progression. Guess I need to dig deeper.
Amy says
HA! Showing our age.
Is it a matter of needing to raise your rates or just get more clients? Sorry to hear it’s at the frustration point. Yep, I’ve found you either need to dig deeper or throw away the shovel. Good luck!
Vicki@MakeSmarterDecisions says
Love that the small school changed your life! I will be starting a new job in a small school a week from right this minute (kind of crazy to think of!) I look forward to learning about the culture of being in a school with 50 kids/grade vs. 250…(or more!) As far as kicking a$$ – I think we are doing that – but it isn’t easy! We won’t be able to say we didn’t try though if we ever decide it isn’t working! Other goals? Making good progress – but need to think about the future. For now, it’s one day at a time!
Amy says
This week is going to go by so fast for you! I look forward to hearing what you think. I know you’ll be an incredible asset to them. Yes! Kicking a$$ isn’t for the faint-hearted. One day at a time, one step at a time.
laurie@thethreeyearexperiment.com says
Amy, great story about moving on from failure. I bet you thought the world had ended when you failed your class! But I love that you were able to have such a successful 11th and 12th grade year in spite of that experience!
Amy says
Thanks, Laurie. I did think life was over when I failed, mostly because I thought my dad might kill me when he found out. 🙂
Whymances says
Right now I’m trying to figure out to manage work stress better. Not just workload stress, specifically feeling SUPER stressed when a project starts going sideways and feeling like credibility of being able to manage projects will instantly poof.
My instinct is wanting to take flight (I’ve felt it a few times) but I’ve stuck it out so far. I’m aware it’s a stressful job but I’d like to figure out how to have some balance in stress for that one area (or maybe it’s confidence in my own abilities?)
Amy says
Sounds like it could be confidence. Have you tried jotting down some notes each time you feel the stress? Maybe there is some correlation…such as a missing skill set, or interaction with a specific person or department, or maybe even a particular time of day? Once you know a bit more of why you feel that way, then you can work to deal with it. If that doesn’t work you can always try chocolate or wine (just kidding!) I hope you can figure it out. Drop me a line if you’d ever like to ‘talk it out’.
Mrs Groovy says
To be literal for a moment. I get that part of what we learn in school is how to follow instructions and respect authority. But what would have happened had you told your teacher you were terrified of making a speech. Would she have said “snap out of it!” or would she have tried to help?
Not everyone can recognize a mistake he or she has made, make a correction, and move on. Going through that process at a young age was good life preparation.
Amy says
Likely she would have helped. I was just too embarrassed and scared to ask. Thankfully, my mom was so understanding. She’s the best.
kiwiandkeweenaw says
Thanks for sharing your story of succeeding after failure! I think after a few years of skipping class, I’m finally taking strides to kick some a$$, even if it means taking on some embarrassing failures along the way.
Amy says
Woot woot! You go girl!
Jason@WinningPersonalFinance says
Fantastic post Amy! So many people are scared to speak publicly. It’s not surprising the extreme you went to get out of it. I’m with you that any failure you survive is good for you. Those are the lessons that tend to stick with us.
Oh and you are very lucky to have a mom that would relocate you to change your schools. I’m pretty sure I’d just give my sons the “life’s not fair” speech. Maybe that’s the lesson for me in this one!!!!
Amy says
Thanks, Jason. Yes, I’m so fortunate to have an incredible mom. She did (does) a lot for me.
I almost added something to the post about a lesson for parents. 🙂 We need to dig deep sometimes too on figuring out what’s really going on with our kids.
Susan @ FI Ideas says
That’s an interesting story. Giving a speech can be terrifying, especially when we are young. I got an F in a calculus class during college when I met my husband. It showed up on my transcript even though I got an A later. So during my first interviews for an engineering job I had to explain it. In retrospect, I think I ended up getting a job in a place where they understood the importance of failure. A success?
Amy says
Your story is interesting too, Susan. And yes, sounds like a success. 🙂
Cubert@abandonedcubicle.com says
Whoah! I can hardly believe this, Amy! 😉
I can fully relate – surprise surprise. I had a failing grade in Spanish, and I may have had a failing grade in Honors Calculus too. How the beef I made it through with a 3.2 GPA is a mystery to me in hindsight. But those rough grades were wake up calls for sure.
Amy says
I know right?! I was afraid people might think it was an April Fool’s joke, but nope. I’m not surprised about Spanish (ha!) but Honors Calc surprises me. I’d have think you aced that. Maybe we did really learn something in school. 😉
Steph says
You’re such a good story teller!
I think we all have these little failures that make us realize we need to get our life together, and actually work hard.
Glad you viewed those little hiccups as a learning experiences- super inspired!
Amy says
Thank you, Steph! Appreciate you reading and commenting.
Tread Lightly, Retire Early says
What a mom. And I can’t believe your teacher didn’t make it clear that you’d fail without the speech.
Amy says
Angela, I just found your comment stuck in spam, sorry. Yes, my mom’s pretty great. I may have just been too petrified to get it.
Crispy Doc says
Enjoyable to witness the transition from petrified of pubic speaking to sharing incredibly vulnerable stories publicly to help build others up.
There’s always the whatif of how those (often unconsidered, frequently financially motivated) decisions made by parents seem to send a kid decisively down a certain fork in the road, how things might have taken a different turn but for a twist of fate.
A benefit of pursuing FI I’d never considered prior to this post is the luxury of being able to include your kids in the conversation about upcoming changes like the move you describe.
You are incredibly fortunate to have had a mom who listened and was attuned enough to your needs to move once more, apparently to incredibly fertile soil that allowed you to thrive. We’ve not met, but I’d hazard a guess that listening to your own kids prompted your pre-FI retirement to help out and seal your relationship with your grandchild.
Lots of meat on this bone to chew on for later. Thanks for sharing.
Fondly,
CD
Amy says
Yes, Doc, my mom is an incredible lady and I continue to be fortunate to have such a strong and caring woman in my life.
Thank you for your kind and insightful comments. If I could go back and spend more time with my young children I would. Time with my granddaughter now is the best I can do. It’s proving beneficial for us all.
TheRetirementManifesto says
Amy, what a great lesson to learn at a young age, and a lesson each of us should remember as we walk our lives daily. The important thing about “failures” is the lesson we learn as a result, which is often worth the pain. Great story, and great reminder. At the moment, with 65 days to go until FIRE, I’d say I’m on the “Kicking A$$” side of the equation. I’ll be able to skip class after June 8th, without worrying about failing the class!
Amy says
So happy for you, Fritz. No more report cards soon. Just some a$$ kicking fun in retirement. Love it!
Lily @ The Frugal Gene says
I thought this was a guest posts at first HA. Skipping school for public speaking is something my husband would do. I’ve only ever ditched math class…but only because the teacher was manically depressed during her divorce and showed us her crazy side.
You never know, I’m betting money you’ll be a speaker at fincon someday! 🙂
Amy says
Gotcha! 🙂 And now you’ve got him all over the internet. Fun seeing you guys on Time.com!
Ooh, divorce can do that to some people.
LOL, you never know. Thanks, Lily!
Penny (@picksuppennies) says
I didn’t fail enough in school. I wrote a post on it a long while ago, and (I think) the point was that playing it safe really kept me from growing. When you only do what you do really well, of course you get better at that. But what do you miss out on? A LOT.
Amy says
Great point, Penny. Tricky sometimes figuring out which stones we should polish and which just need a good rinse. The good news is we (usually) get better at it as time goes on.
Carol @ DownsizeYour2080 says
Hi, Amy! I claimed illness to avoid the days of kickball in P.E. in 6th grade. My mom thought it was odd I was always sick on Wednesdays. I don’t know why it never occurred to me to ask my dad or siblings to help me improve my kickball skills. Funny how our brains sometimes come up with a “solution.”
Life has been busy lately and I feel more like I’m in that crazy stretch before final exams. One more thing, I failed a class too. Mine was in college and it felt awful. I had to get right back on the horse because it was a mandatory class.
Take care!
Amy says
Oooh I feel for you, dodgeball was the one I could have used some help with.
I hope life calms down soon and you can enjoy the ‘summer vacation’. If we could only get rid of this winter weather here…
Thanks Carol, you too!
Operation Husband Rescue says
Getting up there in front of others is a terrifying endeavor. When I was younger I used to sing in the school’s talent show every year. Then in 7th grade I was part of a talent group that was organized by a senior and we put on a show that I was NOT prepared for. I had missed almost every group practice due to playing softball and I didn’t know the words to my song. I went up and tried anyway–forgot the words, ran off stage, and hid in the bathroom. Never sang in front of a group again. lol!
Amy says
Oh, I feel for the 7th grade you! Might be time to loosen up those vocal cords. 😉 Thanks for sharing your story.
JoeHx says
I failed 11th grade English – the entire year. I didn’t do the required research project. It’s not that I didn’t want to do it, I just didn’t want to do the stupid note cards. We weren’t allowed to skip any of the steps the teacher wanted us to do, so I just didn’t do it.
I retook 11th grade English in summer school and got an A. No research project required.
Amy says
Funny how our teenage minds work. Damn note cards. 😉 Glad it worked out in summer school!
Jacq says
I’ve had an interesting relationship with speeches in school. I lucked out with a small middle school and getting a start with topics of our choice. So as nervous as I was, it was a topic I could speak on with passion. The technical part of the note cards wasn’t my strong suit. In college for our rhetoric class, my team was assigned sleep, so we gave our presentation in pajamas!
Considering I was a double major in Education, I had to get over the fear of speaking. Since then, if I can teach 6th graders and high school, a room of professionals that at least sort of want to be there is easy.
It came in handy when I had to Co-present at a company meeting. Still some nerves but that was wanting to do my managers proud.
I’m glad your mom worked with you and you had such a great turn around. 🙂
Amy says
You’ve had a nice ramping up of speeches. Somehow it seems teaching high school students might be harder than presenting to a corporate team but maybe not! Thanks for sharing your story and kind words, Jacq!
othalafehu says
Thank you for sharing, it felt like I was watching a movie as I read, part Karate Kid, part John Hughes film.
Amy says
Amy? Amy? Amy?
Gina says
Very well said and such a great message. I definitely want to share this with my teen, I think she’ll find it incredibly valuable. And it reminds me that no one of us is perfect, failure is a part of life and helps us fine tune our journey! Absolutely great post!!
Amy says
Thank you so much for the comment Gina! Made my day! 🙂